yeah right

I remember during the last MSLO session last year whereby a bunch of us (Me, ZX, HL, SH, MY, WX, Jas) sat together with Mdm.Loke and discussed whatever we feel about each other one by one.
When it was WX's turn to talk about me, she said I hasnt changed since Primary School. Then Mdm Loke wanted her to talk about what have I not changed.
I quietly whispered :"Height" to those beside me and they all laughed.
Somehow deep inside I knew I have changed, everything that I was have changed, but somehow perhaps I've not changed at all.

I was very insecure and very inconfident about myself, I was a transfered student there and somehow I just dont blend in much. I was never much of a social person anyway.
I was very soft spoken and I never go out and 混 after school. I even participated in a buddy reading system where I teach Pri 1 students how to read.

In secondary school I grew up.
I indulged in books and stuff that my peers never read and I know things they never knew they never knew.
I get to choose who I wanted to be with and somehow, I discovered my abilities to manupilate people. I know how to make them say or do what I wanted them to, by doing or saying something myself. I know what to do and I always get the reaction I wanted. But of course, they never knew I planned it all.
I managed to take a stand and turned away from a friend that I knew since Pri 4 and came to same sec and same class as me(no,it's not WX). That friend was always the leader and always wanted thihgs her way. I did not relent anymore.
I became an unofficial leader in my small clique.
I was the budding Chee that you guys see now.

In JC now, I am totally freed from whatever goody-two-shoe I was, perhaps it's due to my family woes, of simply due to my personal growth.
I perfected my lies and my wits.
My reaction tends to be fast and straightforward.
Teachers know me but they never understand me.
I am now a complete, cynical, dark-humour oriented person.
I am now who I am. I still have my friends, albeit friends change.

I have came a long way and Ive changed a lot. Somehow part of me felt that 've never changed at all too.
I think a better word for changed would be forgotten.
I've forgotten how to be nice to everyone anymore, so I choose to be only nice to some.
I've forgotten how to try my every last bit of strength to sustain a friendship, I only try to sustain some that's worth it.
I've forgotten why I felt happy so easily anymore, I am now happy for other things.
I did not forget my childhood memories and games, but I can never go back, plus some memories were never sweet anyway.

The Chee that I am now was a seed inside me.
It grew and grew and the old me withered until only part of the soul was left.
I dont even bother to try and save that part of my more innocent soul anymore.

I am evil.
Trust me.
Whatever unhappiness some of u readers may feel is all because of me.
I cant help it.
Sue me.